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The Challenges of Long-Distance Caregiving

The call comes from two time zones away. Mom has been hospitalized after a bad fall. Or Dad is showing troublesome signs that suggest Alzheimer’s. Perhaps a neighbor calls to report that the folks haven’t been bringing in the newspaper every day. 

In earlier times, it was common for families to live in the same community, generation after generation. They could share the responsibilities that go along with caring for older family members. But today, we live in a much more mobile society. Families are often spread out from one end of the country to the other. They still stay in touch, but they do it by phone, email, social media, and occasional visits. 

So, when a parent or grandparent needs care and support, or when a care crisis occurs, families come face to face with the challenge of long-distance caregiving. It’s troubling when someone you love is in need and you are far away. It’s complicated to know where to go for information and how to help. 

If this describes your situation, here is how to understand your loved one’s needs, and to work with family, friends and professionals to be sure those needs are met. 

Assess your situation. The first step to being an effective caregiver is to be well-informed. During your next visit, pay attention to your loved ones’ health condition, the condition of their home, their appearance and grooming. Is mail piled up on the table? Have bills been paid? Is there nutritious food in the kitchen? If you have concerns, speak with your loved one’s healthcare provider, financial advisor, and other professionals. Talk to friends and neighbors—and, most importantly, to your loved one. Ask lots of questions. Make notes to refer to later.  

Make a plan. Once you have sense of your loved one’s situation and needs, it’s time to determine what your role can and should be. Make sure the right people are involved in the plan—other family, and professionals who can offer input. Remember that unless your loved one is incapacitated, he or she must be centrally involved in developing the plan! You are trying to help Mom or Dad arrange their life, not arrange it for them. Your goal is to support your family member’s maximum level of independence, self-esteem and dignity. 

Locate resources. As you prepare to get involved, it’s reassuring to know that an entire network of eldercare support services is out there to help. To locate resources, contact the local Area Agency on Aging or the national Eldercare Locator (https://eldercare.acl.gov/home). Many families take advantage of the valuable services of an Aging Life Care Manager.  

Their services can include… 

• Assessing caregiving needs 

• Locating and arranging the appropriate senior support services 

• Helping select a senior housing option and coordinating the move 

• Overseeing senior’s care on a temporary or long-term basis   

• Keeping family members apprised of their loved one’s well-being.  

Keep in touch 

Nothing takes the place of a visit. But between visits, here are four great ways to keep in touch with your loved one: 

• Call often, and encourage your loved one to call you 

• Set your loved one up with a simple email program 

• Use a webcam or Skype for “virtual visits” 

• Remember: cards, letters and photos are never out of style 

Becoming a long-distance caregiver isn’t easy, but with some preparation you can provide meaningful assistance to your loved one, even from far away. 

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